#BentNotBroken: Curvy No More

*Disclaimer: This is a longer post then I typically write. It contains a few images that some may find upsetting. I do not feel like I can adequately share this experience with you without sharing the images. I promise they are not overly graphic.

Evie is now two weeks post-op.

It feels like we just came home yesterday and at the same time it feels like it all happened months ago. Maybe sleep deprivation does that to a person. Makes them loose all sense of time.

I want to tell you that I've been an emotional wreak. That I have wept and wailed. That anger and fear consumed me leading up to and after the surgery. But I would be lying.

I felt at peace. Sure I worried a bit. Was this the right decision? Would she forgive us for the pain that was coming? Does she understand why this was the path we (her parents) chose for her? But those were just passing worries that fled back into the darkness that is fear whenever I remembered that I have no control. This wasn't no longer in my hands. That, in truth, it has never been in my hands.

When I acknowledged that I had absolutely no control in this situation, that is when peace started to take over. While binge watching Longmire (video clip) on Netflix a character put into words how I was feeling:

"Peace is not the absence of conflict. It is the acceptance of conflict." 

I accepted that we would end up at this crossroads many years ago. We hoped and prayed that it would be when she was older, but with each x-ray that hope dimmed a little more. So this was the path we chose to take and we have no regrets. The acceptance of this inevitability, the acknowledgement that it was not in my hands, the knowledge of whose hands it was in, and my mad research skills came together and peace blossomed from the inside out.

Now let me get down to the nitty-gritty stuff...

We checked into Wolfson's the night before her surgery. It looked like we were moving in and essentially we were since we were there for 8 days. The PICU team came in to get Evie's IV's placed (this took longer than anticipated) and they had to get at least two that night (a third would be placed the next morning). She smiled and giggled the entire time! When it comes to the traumatic stuff for kids they have people come in the room (if available) to help distract the child. It worked like a charm! *Tip: Try to make sure your child is well hydrated for easier IV placement.

The next morning we were off to pre-op to wait and for a minor buzz cut (sorta). I have a few things that I like to send with Evie when she goes into surgery (yes, we've done it often enough that we have surgical support items). Those items include: her quilt with pink and orange flowers our dear friend Leslie made for her, a crocheted lovie (they help keep her from mouthing her hands) from my mom, and her best friend Moe-Moe the monkey. I forgot to slide her superman leg warmers on before we left the room so they missed this trip (oops!). You'll see the haircut in a bit.

Bye sweetheart, we'll see you soon!

I was very fortunate to not be alone while waiting for the surgery to be completed. Of course her dad was there and so were my parents. I don't think there was anywhere else they would have been. Times of uncertainty brings our family, friends, and our Rett family together. Those we love and those that love Evie texted, called, and emailed us their encouraging words, prayers, and healing vibes (ya bunch of hippies! love ya!) My dear friend Hot Mess came to sit with us during the entire procedure! We all laughed and cracked jokes. It's how we deal with stressful events.

Dr. Eric Shirley was able to place the MAGEC growth rods in Evie's back. This is a great thing because it means lengthening procedures are controlled externally using a magnetic tool that will allow him to extend the rods as she grows (and trust me this girl grows!). The surgery went really well and we anticipated 5-6 hours, but she was done in about 4 and a half! The surgery was a success! We were able to see Evie shortly in her private PICU suite.

Ellipse Technologies: MAGEC Rod & Controller

Once she was settled and we spoke with her surgeon, we were able to see Evie. It wasn't the easiest moment. I couldn't pick her up and cradle her in my arms. I also knew that jostling her too much would hurt her. So we all settled for letting her squeeze our fingers and stroking her hair. She was still intubated when we saw her. They also brought in a portable x-ray machine to take an image of her spine. This gave us an internal visual of how drastic a change these growth rods made for our little girl. The external change was apparent immediately and we could barely believe our eyes. She was so straight and long! Heck, we were all so accustomed to seeing her curled over that seeing her straight felt like someone was playing a cruel trick on us.

Getting her x-ray done.

Before at 70 degrees
After with her spinal upgrade.

Now you may be asking yourself why Evie needed to have her hair shaved off on the sides (yes, both sides) for a back surgery. One word...Halo.

We call it the Dr. Shirley special.
I think he was inspired by Natalie Dormer from The Hunger Games.

Evie was placed in a halo for the surgery to secure her position and keep her body held as straight as possible. In order to achieve this they had to place her in traction (just for the procedure) and screws were used to hold the halo in place (four to be exact). This was not done before she left us (thank you Jesus) so I don't have a picture of what it looks like and the images I've found online aren't really right  (it wasn't gravity traction). As a result, she has two little boo-boo's on her forehead and one on each side of her head. We've made an appointment for Friday next week to have her hair style updated. Embrace the buzz cut!

The first night in PICU was filled with the beeps from various machines, nurses and assistants coming in to check vitals and administer medicine, and me never really getting comfortable. That's hospital life for ya! Our goal was to extubate Evie that evening. Well, that happened...and it wasn't pretty.

Extubation was successful and a bit painful for Evie.

Her little face was red and swollen, which I was prepared for before surgery. Hearing her soft whimper was like music to my ears. It was like hearing a newborn cry for the first time. A sense of relief flooded over me. Unfortunately, her breathing wasn't as strong as everyone would have liked and in order to maintain her oxygen levels she was placed on a bi-pap. Whee! This is obviously not what we would have wanted, but better this than intubation again. It was removed the next day for which we were all thankful and happy.

*Tip: Evie does not expel excess air the bi-pap pushes into her body. As a result, she developed excess air trapped in her intestinal tract which caused some distention of her stomach (she swelled up like a ripe watermelon). We know now she needs to be vented if she is ever on a bi-pap again, which can be done through her g-tube with her tube extension or a Farrell bag.

Once the bi-pap was off, her pain well managed, and she wasn't sleeping we managed to get a few smiles, a faint giggle from her, and a attempts at mouthing her lovie. All joyfully celebrated! These were good signs. She was also quite the social butterfly and everyday of our stay someone came to visit her (not just the nurses, therapist, and doctors). By day two the physical therapists came to get her sitting in her wheelchair. That was a three ring circus because of all the cords, tubes, and iv's stuck in her. Sheer will and determination on their part made it happen and of course I photographed it!

This is an important part of recovery.
One major benefit: It helps clear gunk from her lungs.

The last visitor during our stay in PICU was Miss. Jacksonville, Amanda Hatcher. We met her a few weekends prior to her surgery at the Tim Tebow Foundation Golf Classic at TPC Sawgrass (we had a blast!!!). Unfortunately, Evie was asleep and did not wake until a couple of hours later. She loved tugging on the balloon strings and making them bounce around. While at Wolfson's, Amanda went to visit other patients living the hospital life like us. Thank you Miss. Jacksonville!

Later that evening we were moved to our new suite. I wasted no time getting settled (we were going to be there awhile) and decorating her room for Easter. She was gifted a Easter baskets from some of the staff and one of our fellow Rett mom's that came to visit. It has taken some getting used to that the children's hospitals bring her goodies when we stay for any length of time.

We continued getting her in her wheelchair to sit up. Slowly introduced nutrition back into her system (a long grueling process). Watched a lot of Disney Jr. and discovered she really likes the movie Strange Magic (I was surprised).

More visitors came, with more goodies and lots of love for our girl. My Rett family was in full swing along with so many others. We are so thankful for their friendship, support, and visits. It really does help make the days at the hospital pass by a bit quicker.

Art with a Heart
They came and painted pictures for Evie.
She was enthralled with this particular volunteer.

Evie and her G-Boss on Easter.

Brad "BigPoppaChive" Zahn
ChiveON!

Evie and her BFF.
These two crack me up!

The wound care team came in to remove the wound vac and change her dressing. It was time for me to see her incision. Deep breath!

Not exactly what I expected, but WOW!
Now I was responsible for keeping it covered and clean.

These wonderful ladies did a great job removing the bandages.

They took their time and used this awesome spray to make it easier.

I watched this process very closely and assisted (just a bit) so I knew what I needed to do if/when I needed to change the dressing at home. Which of course I ended having to do a couple of times because of that darn liquid diet she was on. C'est la vie!

Before we knew it, we were all set to go home. The doctors signed off on our walking papers, we got our prescriptions filled from the hospital pharmacy. *Tip: Always get them filled before you leave the hospital. Just because they have the medication prescribed, doesn't mean an outside pharmacy will.

We were finally on our way home!!! A little nervous, but I was confident we'd be ok and we have been (a little sleep deprived, but its getting better every day).

Our last nurse for this stay at Wolfson's.

I promise she was in the van.

Goodbye Wolfson's Children's Hospital! Until we meet again (cause let's be honest...we'll be back). Your nurses, assistants, therapists, managers, and support staff rocked  (we really need to have a talk about your food service though...except the Jazzman Café...those ladies are AWESOME!).