Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Best Christmas Gift Ever!

I wasn't really looking forward to Christmas this year. In fact I was dreading it. Over the last twelve months we have experienced a lot of heartache (family passing, Rae's medical, etc...) and my rose colored glasses were completely demolished beyond repair. I have been battling depression on and off for most of this year. The holidays just weren't bright and cheery for me (and most of our immediate family). I clung to my memories, sought comfort in family and friends, had a few fights (a sick form of therapy for me), and desperately tried to fill the voids in my heart. But the voids just kept deepening and I just kept going through the motions. Sometimes that is the only thing I can do.

I was fully aware that this Christmas with Rae wasn't going to live up to what I dreamed of this time last year when my rose colored glasses were whole. There wasn't going to be a tiny gourmet kitchenette under the tree or a classic pink pedal car. She probably wasn't going to tear into the presents, wildly tossing pieces of holiday paper into the air. I started bracing myself for what I felt was inevitable...disappointment. I feared I (and my husband) would be disappointed. Not in our daughter, but in yet another year of absent "first" moments.

I am happy to say that I was wrong!

I think I can, I think I can...the corner ended up in her mouth.

Out of all the gifts that we were given this year, our favorite wasn't anything anyone could purchase in a store or make with their own two hands. It was something that only Rae could give us...a first moment. A moment where we could see a spark of interest beyond, "Can I get that to my mouth and chew on it?" (trust me she did plenty of that too) She actually wanted to tear into the paper, pull tissue from bags, and play with her toys & the paper! Every movement was made with intent and for the most part on her own...I didn't have to MAKE her do it! She did it for herself (full disclosure...I did have to make the initial tears, but still...AWESOME!).

Playing with her new piano!
Thanks Munkle & Family!

Every year Mimi buys Rae a new baby doll.
Meet her "Sitting Pretty Cabbage Patch Kid.

Howdy ya'll!

Later on that afternoon, she even tried to play with another toddler when he was rolling his ball around.

You go first...

Now it's my turn!

By the end of the day she was all tuckered out (and so were we).

She refused to take an afternoon nap and passed out just around 8pm.

It wasn't quite the chaos I had envisioned a year ago, but it was still more than I anticipated when I woke that morning. It was the best gift I could have received and helped fill some of that void.

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